How I Learned to Rewire My Brain for Calm and Focus

For most of my life, if you’d asked me what peace of mind looked like, I probably would have pictured something cliché, like meditating on a Tibetan mountaintop with the Dalai Lama. I never imagined I’d find it so much closer to home, thanks to a cognitive neuroscientist named David Vago.

David, who teaches at Harvard and does research at Vanderbilt, was introduced to me by Dan Harris, the author of . He showed me that the one thing I’d been chasing my entire life—peace of mind—wasn’t something to be found, but something to be built. It all comes down to understanding how our brains are wired and then consciously choosing to rewire them. This is a game-changer for anyone, but especially if you're navigating the intense pressure of .

Your Brain Isn't Set in Stone

For a long time, we believed that the adult brain was pretty much fixed. But researchers like David have turned that idea on its head. It turns out our brains have something called “activity-dependent plasticity.” It’s a mouthful, I know, but the concept is simple: your brain is constantly rewiring itself based on your experiences and what you focus on.

Think of your brain as a dense forest with over 80 billion trees, which are your neurons. The branches of these trees connect through about 150 trillion contact points called synapses. These synapses are like tiny communication lines. Activity-dependent plasticity means we can create new connections and strengthen existing ones. We can literally shape our own minds.

Here’s how David broke it down for me. We experience life through our five senses, taking in millions of moments every year. For each significant input, it takes about 500 milliseconds—half a second—for our subconscious mind to filter it through our belief system and decide if it's a threat or an opportunity. This happens automatically. But then, another half-second later, we become aware of it.

That brief window is where the magic happens. If we can slow down and reflect in that moment, we can override our instinct. We can consciously choose how we want to feel. Instead of reacting with anger, fear, or anxiety, we can choose to be calm, in control, or open to learning. This is a crucial skill for anyone where setbacks are part of the journey.

Stronger Circuits, Stronger Mind

The more you consciously choose a calm and controlled response, the stronger that neural circuit becomes. It’s just like exercising a muscle. The more you practice patience, the more patient you become. The problem is, this works both ways. If you let your mind run on its evolutionary autopilot, it will default to finding threats. Our brains are wired for survival, which means they are constantly scanning for what could go wrong. Left unchecked, this default mode will reinforce circuits of fear, anger, and anxiety, making it impossible to find peace.

This is where conscious effort comes in. By reminding ourselves that we are responsible for our reactions and capable of learning from any situation, we strengthen the calmer, more rational parts of our brain. We can train ourselves to see opportunities instead of just threats, which is fundamental to building a successful .

The Two Wolves Inside Us

There's an old Cherokee legend that perfectly captures this internal struggle. A grandfather tells his grandson, “A fight is going on inside me between two wolves. One is evil—filled with rage, greed, and fear. The other is good—filled with joy, peace, and courage. This same fight is going on inside you, too.”

When the grandson asks which wolf wins, the elder replies, “The one you feed.”

For centuries, thinkers have recognized this duality. The Taoists called it yin and yang—the idea that for everything, there is a balancing opposite. You can’t know joy without sorrow, or peace without anger. These negative emotions aren't things we can eliminate, nor should we want to. They provide the contrast that gives meaning to the good in our lives. But we absolutely have the power to decide which emotions we empower—which wolf we feed.

Where Are You Living: Past, Present, or Future?

Our conscious mind works like a single-channel processor; it can only focus on one thing at a time. This means if you’re thinking about the past or the future, you aren’t living in the present. And the present moment is the only reality we truly have.

Living in the past means dwelling on memories, which neuroscientists have shown are surprisingly inaccurate. Each time we recall an event, we slightly alter the story and then re-record the new version. Spending too much time in this unreliable past is strongly linked to depression.

Living in the future means living in your imagination. For most people, this doesn’t mean pleasant daydreams. It means worrying. Our brain’s default setting is to worry about what might happen, and this tendency is a major source of anxiety.

The only place that’s 100% real is the present. Yet, research shows our minds stay in the present for only about three seconds at a time before wandering off. This means we miss out on most of our actual lives.

How to Reclaim Your Present Moment

Learning to be present has incredible, well-documented benefits: lower stress, better sleep, and sharper brain function. But it doesn't come naturally. Here are a few practical things that helped me:

1. : The average person will spend nearly nine years of their life staring at a phone. Intentionally put your devices away and notice what’s around you. Pay attention to colors, sounds, and how you're feeling.
2. : Dr. Andrew Weil taught me the 4-7-8 breathing technique: inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and exhale slowly through your mouth for 8. It’s a simple way to calm your nervous system and pull your focus back to the now.
3. : In conversations, put away distractions and absorb what the other person is saying without planning your response. Active listening is a skill that grounds you in the moment.
4. : Take time to reflect instead of just reacting. Ask yourself: What’s working? What isn’t? What can I do differently? This is essential when you're and need to adapt quickly.

Your Most Important Investment: The Golden Hour

Researchers have found that our brains are most impressionable in the 30 minutes after we wake up and the 30 minutes before we fall asleep. This is your “golden hour,” the best time to intentionally rewire your brain.

Here’s my routine. Every morning, I spend 20 minutes meditating. It’s made me calmer, less reactive, and more aware of my thoughts as they arise. At night, I lie in bed and reflect on things I'm grateful for from the day. It sounds simple, but it’s shifted my perspective to appreciate more and take less for granted.

I may not be able to control my mind like a car, as an old mentor once suggested, but I’ve learned I can control what I pay attention to. For me, that’s more than enough.

Don't Let Your Time Disappear

An observation known as Parkinson’s law states that work expands to fill the time allotted for it. This applies to everything in life. If you don't consciously protect your time, unimportant things will fill it up. This is a critical lesson for anyone trying to go from a ; your time is your most valuable asset.

To take control, you can start with three simple decisions:

• This is your single biggest investment in your peace of mind.
• More walks, more water, more time in nature. It all helps ground you.
• Connecting with others releases powerful, positive chemicals in your brain.

For those managing a team, or even just managing a solo , this focus is key. Identify the Highest Payoff Activities (HPAs)—the handful of tasks that deliver the most results. Focus your energy there first. This clarity prevents overwhelm and builds momentum, whether you're leading a department or your own .