What No One Tells You About Marriage and Money

When you decide to get married, you’re not just merging your lives—you’re merging your finances. And while it’s not the most romantic topic, talking about money is one of the most important things you can do before, during, and after you say "I do." From planning for a family to navigating the tough stuff, here’s a look at the financial journey of marriage.

The First, Most Important Conversation

Once you’re engaged, the money talk should happen soon after. When you get married, you're also taking on your partner's financial history, for better or worse. It’s crucial to know what you’re both bringing to the table.

A good way to start is by discussing how your parents managed money and what money means to you. Is it security? Freedom? Power? Understanding each other's emotional connection to money is the first step. From there, it’s time to get specific. Lay everything out on the table:

• Major debts (student loans, credit cards)
• Any child support or alimony obligations
• Credit history, including bankruptcies
• Existing investments or retirement accounts
• Any inheritances or trust funds

Pull your credit reports and review them together. If your partner is hesitant to talk about their finances, it might be worth considering counseling. You can’t build a shared future if one person is keeping financial secrets. It's also important to acknowledge that you'll have individual goals. One of you may want to focus on a passion project or start a , and it's vital to find a way to support those dreams alongside your shared objectives.

When a Spender Marries a Saver

It’s a classic pairing: one person loves to save, and the other loves to spend. This can be a major source of conflict. If you're the saver, seeing a huge charge for a hobby on the credit card statement when the car needs repairs can be infuriating. If you're the spender, constant nagging about every little purchase can feel controlling.

The key here is compromise. Both partners need to feel heard and respected. A good system allows the saver to feel secure while giving the spender some freedom. There are some great books on this topic, like Olivia Mellan's and by Victoria Collins and Suzanne B. Brown, that can help you find a middle ground.

Who Manages the Money?

Deciding how to handle your day-to-day banking is a big decision. Will you keep separate accounts and split bills? Or will you have one joint account for everything? Many couples find that a “His, Hers, and Ours” approach works best. You have a joint account for household expenses, and each person has their own individual account for personal spending. This gives each of you discretionary money you don’t have to justify, which can prevent resentment.

Often, one person is naturally better or more interested in handling the bills, balancing the budget, and tracking investments. That’s perfectly fine, but it shouldn't mean one person is left in the dark. No matter who pays the bills, you should both sit down at least once a month to review your finances together.

Keeping Your Own Credit

Financial experts almost universally agree: you should maintain credit in your own name after getting married. Keep a credit card that’s only yours, use it from time to time, and pay it off in full each month. If you ever find yourself single again due to death or divorce, having your own credit history is essential for securing everything from a new apartment to a car loan.

Do You Need a Prenup?

Prenuptial agreements get a bad rap, but they’re a smart tool for almost any couple. A prenup simply outlines how assets and debts will be handled in a divorce. It can also protect children from a previous marriage, clarify inheritance expectations, or even detail arrangements for future children.

You should seriously consider a prenup if either of you owns a business, has significant investments, expects an inheritance, owns a home, or has children from another relationship. To be legally valid, you both need separate lawyers and must fully disclose all assets and liabilities. Think of it not as planning for failure, but as setting clear, fair expectations from the start.

How to Plan a Wedding You Can Actually Afford

With the average U.S. wedding costing over $26,000, it’s easy to get carried away. The best way to stay in control is to create a detailed budget. The single biggest factor in your wedding cost is your guest list. Cutting just 20 people from the list could save you $1,000 or more.

Here are a few other ways to save:

• A buffet or hors d’oeuvres are often cheaper than a formal sit-down dinner.
• Alcohol can be a huge expense. Consider offering drink tickets to guests or having a cash bar after a certain point.
• Venues, photographers, and other vendors are often cheaper from November to April and on days other than Saturday.

The “Marriage Tax Penalty” Is Real

Sometimes, getting married can mean paying more in taxes. This typically happens when both spouses earn similar incomes. For example, two people each earning $100,000 will likely pay more in taxes as a married couple than they would as two single individuals.

To avoid a nasty surprise at tax time, you need to adjust your W-4 forms with your employers after the wedding. A common strategy is for one spouse to check “married” and the other to check “single” to ensure enough taxes are withheld. You can also use the IRS’s withholding calculator to figure out the best setup for your situation.

Your Financial To-Do List After 'I Do'

Once the wedding is over, there are a few financial housekeeping items to take care of:

1. Change the beneficiary on your retirement plans, life insurance, and investment accounts to your spouse if desired.
2. If you’ve changed your name, update your Social Security card, driver's license, bank accounts, and credit cards.
3. This is especially critical if either of you has children from a previous relationship.

Planning for a Baby

Your children will be the biggest investment you ever make. Before you welcome a new family member, it’s smart to plan for the costs. The first thing to check is your health insurance. Understand your deductible, copays, and out-of-pocket maximum so you know what to expect for prenatal visits and delivery.

Then, think about the ongoing expenses. Child care is a massive cost, so research providers and budget for it well in advance. Consider opening a flexible-spending account (FSA) at work if it's offered, as you can use pre-tax dollars for medical and child-care expenses.

Can One of You Afford to Stay Home?

Before assuming you can’t live on one income, do the math on the real cost of working. A second income isn’t just what you see on a paycheck. You have to subtract:

• Day care and other child-care costs
• Work-related expenses (clothes, transportation, gas, lunches)
• Higher taxes

When you add it all up, you might find that the second income contributes far less to the household budget than you thought. For some families, strategic budget cuts can make it possible to live comfortably on a single salary.

Raising Kids Who Understand Money

You can start teaching your kids about money as early as age five. An allowance is a great tool for teaching them to manage their own funds. Help them divide their money between spending and saving, so they learn that delaying gratification allows them to buy bigger things they really want. As they get older, you can introduce them to by helping them research stocks and track a mock portfolio. Teach them how advertising works so they become smart consumers who aren't swayed by brand names.

The Financial Reality of Divorce

If your marriage ends, being prepared can protect you financially. First, you need to formally divide your debts. Contact your creditors to legally transfer debts to the responsible person. This prevents you from being on the hook if your ex-spouse fails to pay.

If you have health insurance through your spouse’s job, you are likely eligible for COBRA coverage for up to 36 months, though you’ll have to pay the full premium. When it comes to child support, file for it as soon as you separate, as it’s not retroactive. Finally, understand the tax rules. Alimony is generally tax-deductible for the payer and taxable for the recipient, while child support is not.