How to Turn Coffee Meetings Into Real Connections

You’ve heard their 60-second pitch. You’ve glanced at their website. But let’s be honest—you don’t really know what someone in your networking group does, let alone who they are. To truly understand, you need to go a little deeper, and that’s where the one-on-one meeting comes in. It’s your chance to move beyond the business card and build a real relationship. This is a critical skill for anyone looking to build a successful .

What a One-on-One Really Is

Forget the formal-sounding jargon. A “one-to-one” is just a conversation. Some networking groups build them into their meeting schedules, while others expect you to arrange them on your own time. But if you ignore the rules for a moment, the core idea is simple: get to know the other people in the room. The more you learn about them, the more you might like them, find ways to collaborate, or spot opportunities to send business their way. Making these meetings a regular habit is how you transform a room of acquaintances into a powerful network, an essential step when .

So, who should you meet with? It’s easy to start calculating who seems like the “right” contact or who might know the right people. My advice? Stop. You have no idea what value someone holds until you actually talk to them. The fact that they’re in a totally different industry doesn’t matter. That you already have a provider for their service is irrelevant. Even if they do the same thing as you, there could be an opportunity to collaborate. Instead of trying to guess who is worth your time, just invest that energy in getting to know everyone. Some conversations might not lead anywhere, but you’ll still have made a friendly contact. For anyone serious about , this open-minded approach is key.

The Real Goal Is Connection, Not a Sale

Before you even think about what you want from a one-on-one, push any thought of selling out of your mind. When you put pressure on yourself to make a sale, it comes across as desperation, and that’s never a good look. By taking the pressure off, you create space to learn about the other person and their business. A more practical goal is to find something you have in common—a shared hobby, a past experience, anything that gives you a point of connection. This is foundational for building a genuine network.

Think carefully about where you meet. Your office or theirs might seem convenient, but it’s not ideal for a first chat. It creates an uneven dynamic where one person is on their home turf, and you’re more likely to be interrupted by calls or colleagues. Instead, pick neutral territory. Co-working spaces are perfect—they’re neutral, comfortable, and usually have free coffee. A hotel lobby can also work well. A coffee shop is fine, as long as it’s not too loud. I’d avoid a pub for a first meeting; it introduces an awkward dance around whether to order an alcoholic drink and can be distracting.

Timing matters, too. The best time for a one-on-one is often right after a morning networking event. You can stay at the same venue, and your workday hasn’t started piling up distractions yet. Try to avoid booking long lunch meetings until you know someone better. I once got stuck in a two-hour lunch with someone where we both realized within the first 15 minutes that we weren’t a good fit. It was incredibly awkward and a total waste of time for both of us. If you’re self-employed, your time is your money. If a meeting isn’t productive, be brave enough to wrap it up.

The Right Way to Steer the Conversation

About five years ago, a visitor to my networking group asked to meet. She spent ten solid minutes telling me about her revolutionary HR software without taking a breath. It sounded impressive. When she finally finished her pitch, she asked, “So, how many employees do you have?” At the time, my entire was just me, a laptop, and a phone. I was completely useless to her. Had she started by asking a few questions, she might have discovered that I worked with several HR consultants who would have been perfect referrals. But she never gave me the chance.

That’s why you have to ask questions—specifically, open-ended questions that invite more than a “yes” or “no” answer. These questions usually start with “who,” “what,” “why,” “when,” “where,” or “how.”

Instead of, “Have you been here before?” (a closed question), try, “When were you last at this event?” (an open one).

Here are a few powerful questions to get you started:

• “So what made you decide to go into business for yourself?”
• “What parts of your work do you really love doing?”
• “What does your ideal client look like?”
• “What’s the biggest challenge your business is facing right now?”

When you ask questions like these, you’re not just making conversation; you’re gathering information that allows you to genuinely help later. A few days after a meeting, imagine being able to call and say, “Hey, you mentioned your biggest challenge was X. I just met someone who might be able to help. Can I connect you?” That’s a powerful follow-up you can’t make if you spent the whole meeting trying to sell. It shows you were listening, which is crucial for turning a .

Listening Is a Superpower

You’ve heard the saying: “You have two ears and one mouth; use them in that proportion.” Too many people in networking forget this. They aren’t truly listening; they’re just waiting for a pause so they can jump in. Train yourself to actually listen. Listen as if you’ll be tested on what the other person said. After the meeting, jot down a few notes. I’m not talking about scribbling on their business card—which can be seen as disrespectful—but in a notebook or an app. Record a few things:

1. Anything that helps you remember their business beyond their title (e.g., “specializes in e-commerce sites” for a web developer).
2. A hook to remember them as a person (e.g., “coaches kids’ soccer on weekends”). This is valuable when rooted in relationships.
3. What you promised to do. If you said you’d call, write it down and schedule it.

After the meeting, follow up quickly. A simple email or a tweet thanking them for their time goes a long way. If you both felt there was potential for something more—another meeting, a referral—act on it immediately. Seize that momentum. This consistent effort is a non-negotiable part of for long-term success.